Dad Jokes
March 29, 2025
March 28, 2025
March 27, 2025
January 20, 2025
November 21, 2024
19 September, 2024
16 September, 2024
15 September, 2024
11 September, 2024
I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order.
I then picked the movie and pizza because I'm the one with the money.
🔗 You know what 9/11 reminds me of?
10 September, 2024
According to science, alcohol is a solution.
9 September, 2024
The Greeks are concerned about declining exports of taramasalata and tzatziki. This is the first sign of them entering a double dip recession.
I got Rosetta Stone and I really regret it. It only covers Egyptian and Greek, and the cops have been chasing me for like an hour.
8 September, 2024
The main city in DuckTales being called Duckburg is crazy. Imagine a human city being called Manchester.
31 July, 2024
Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
I intend to live forever ... So far, so good.
29 July, 2024
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
20 July, 2024
Half the people you know are below average.
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
4 July, 2024
Nothing starts with N and ends with G.
Going vegan would be a missed steak.
3 July, 2024
A man runs into a doctor's office and screams, "Help me, I’m shrinking!" and the doctor says, "Sir, we’re very busy, so you need to be a little patient."
2 July, 2024
My wife said I should stop singing Wonderwall. I said maybe ♫♪♪
25 June, 2024
I hate hotel bath towels. So thick and fluffy. I can't even close my suitcase.
23 June, 2024
How do you make Budweiser? Send him to school.
22 June, 2024
What do you call a medieval spy? Sir Veillance.
21 June, 2024
Last night I had a nightmare that disco was making a comeback.
At first, I was afraid. I was petrified...
19 June, 2024
I've dedicated my whole life to finding a cure for insomnia. I won't rest till I find it.
18 June, 2024
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, "You know, one would have been enough."
15 June, 2024
If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It’s always 90 degrees there.
14 June, 2024
The average person is really mean.